Living with Myasthenia Gravis and My Mood Swings
I grew up a rather passive person. Though things would bother me, I rarely allowed people to see me upset. I considered crying a weakness and something I didn’t want anyone to see me do, even when my heart was broken.
Becoming more emotional
I remember the first movie I actually shed a tear for, I was about 17 years old. It wasn’t that I didn’t care or had a heart of steel, I just didn’t want to seem weak or like a crybaby.
As I grew older I did show more emotion and would cry easier, but was still able to control my emotions for the most part. However, the longer it’s been since my myasthenia gravis (MG) and hypothyroidism diagnosis, the more emotional I get and the easier I cry.
Now, I cry just thinking about certain things. My husband and I will talk about some memories and my eyes will start to tear.
Changes in personality
Crying isn’t the only change in my personality over recent years. Yes, life has helped make me more cynical and less trusting, but it’s more than that. I’m also impatient, where I used to have all the patience in the world.
Now I sometimes get frustrated immediately if someone didn’t hear me or misunderstands what I meant. I can go from having a good day and being lighthearted to getting angry at the situation, and sad, almost to the point of being depressed.
Thankfully, it resolves itself fairly quickly, but I’ve already lashed out when I shouldn’t have. I end up apologizing for my attitude and am ashamed.
How does it impact others?
After a little while, I feel better and have all but forgotten about the incident. Still, what effect has that had on the person or persons in the room with me?
Thankfully, my husband is quick to forgive, but why did I act like such a terrible person and hurt them in the first place? I’m so glad I don’t do this often, but once is too many times and I hate it!
Helping the situation
Most generally, I try to keep to myself when this happens, maybe go outside or to another room. Time away from the situation seems to help me cool down and see things from a different perspective.
Going to have a good cry or do something I love to do helps. Winter just makes it more difficult, since I hate cold, and it causes me a lot of pain.
Something else that helps me and is indoors, is playing gospel music. There are 2 songs or videos, especially, that help me see things more clearly and positively. After I’ve played them for a little while, I feel so much better, I start singing along with the artist.
Something else I’ve done is to play the piano or keyboard when I’m upset. In fact, most of my life, I’ve resorted to playing when upset. It’s another way of having a positive outcome.
Having an outlet
My mood-swings are so far from my normal personality, that it makes it easier for my husband to understand and know why I’m acting as I am. I was diagnosed with myasthenia 13 years ago, and thankfully these mood-swings are rare.
It’s good to have an outlet when these mood-swings happen and I’m glad I have mine. We all need an outlet where we can just let it all out, our pain, our suffering, and our frustration - especially when living with a chronic illness! What’s yours?
Have you found an exercise routine that works for you?
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