TheSwordandTheSpoon
"They put in my ivig infusion request almost a month ago. It got denied, so they pushed for and got a peer to peer review that should happen sometime next week. It’s my favorite time of year, and it’s kicking my butt. I am SO exhausted. I’ve been on the verge of a crisis for at least three weeks. It’s a fight to stay out of the er. I NEED this blasted infusion. And I need for it to work. I feel like I’ve gone into permenant hibernating beer mode and my seasonal depression kicked in super early, like the second to last week of September early. I am tired of being tired and I am tired of feeling like my best just isn’t enough. I can’t even get down to check my mail anymore. I have to drive because I’m afraid of passing out with my POTS. It’s gotten worse with everything. I put w full stop on my chemo weeks ago because I felt like I wasn’t actually being monitored. They thought they could get me ivig quickly, but not so much. It’s running a muck and I am just over everything. It’s the holiday season and I am by no means in the mood for any of it. I just don’t have any energy. I want to either be sleeping, about to sleep, laying down or taking a nap. Going to target for anything now is a major battle. I have to do grocery pick ups or have my bf do most of it. Just. I can’t. I am past running on e. I can barely eat meat because I’m terrified I’ll choke on it. If I eat it at all I have to cut it up super tiny. I sound whiny. I am whiny. Im tired of feeling like this. I want what little energy I had back. The fact I’m afraid to go walk to my mail box, which isn’t even 20 feet from my door is bad. I have a hard time getting up before 11. I can’t sleep half the time because my pain levels are bad. So I don’t actually sleep till 3-6 am. I’m over tat go. Im trying to reset. But im beyond broke. I have no money. No one will hire me and I have no schedule. It’s a bad spot for me to be in mentally. If im asleep I can’t be out doing things I don’t have the money for anyway. Im utilizing as much as I can out of the state, but it’s not much. Just. I can’t do this anymore. I need for them to approve this infusion. i don’t know what to do with myself."
bear,not beer !!