Finding Comfort When We Redefine Family
The holiday season recently passed. If family interactions didn’t unravel as well as we had hoped, we might still focus on this defeat. This is not the mentality we need to have as we begin this new year.
Relatives overstepping boundaries
During gatherings over the holidays, we may have discovered ourselves experiencing pressure to respond to unsolicited questions, advice, and opinions from relatives about myasthenia gravis (MG) and our wellness decisions.
We then may have been faced with hostility as we stood up for ourselves and emphasized boundaries on what we were willing to discuss.
Why should we sense the need to disregard our personal boundaries and feelings to "keep the peace" with relatives?
Many of us are brought up to believe that we should feel comfortable discussing personal subjects with relatives because, well, it’s family. But after my MG diagnosis, I acknowledged a contradiction between the traditional definition of family and the personal boundaries they teach us to prioritize.
Unsupportive relationships
Society has a traditional way of valuing biological ties, regardless of their functionality. Certain relationships are unhealthy and unsustainable.
For many, the constant endeavor to fix strained family connections is draining energy that we could otherwise direct to the people who make their support for us known.
We don’t need to hold ourselves to a rule that we should dedicate our time and limited energy to relatives if they don’t respect us in ways we deem they should ... if how they choose to support comes across in a harmful manner.
Changing the definition
Our boundaries and standards for how others treat us should never have to be compromised for anyone, particularly the family we prioritize our energy towards.
When our blood relatives have let us down, we can remold our definition of family. Holding ourselves to the anticipation that family should be biologically tied may leave us feeling unloved without encouragement and help.
Instead, we can cut off depleting relations and supplement the comfort family should bring to us with loved ones we deem as our chosen family.
Chosen family
We are not out of luck when we notice ourselves without biological family by our side. It is attainable and equally acceptable to cultivate a family beyond DNA. We may find that we feel less alone when we accept a community understanding of our illness as our family instead of forcing toxic biological ties.
We can potentially gain our alternative families via social media, forums, support groups, workshops, webinars, clubs, or our daybreak coffee run. Chosen family's understanding of our myasthenia gravis doesn’t have to be individuals with MG or an illness.
Merely anyone willing to listen, support us in our choices, and be by our side throughout our journey is a more valuable family member than a relative perpetually out to tear us down.
If we are to live successfully with a chronic illness, we cannot overlook the importance of family. It is no longer acceptable to force ourselves to upkeep unhealthy biological connections. We need to foster empathy that happy, sustainable families are established on support rather than DNA.
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